Our Shit Lives So Far

2012-01-15T13:37:00.000-08:00

Good morning 2012.

'Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as aninexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number oftimes, and a very small number really. How many more times will youremember a certain afternoon of your childhood, an afternoon that is sodeeply a part of your being that you cannot even conceive of your lifewithout it? Perhaps four, five times more, perhaps not even that. Howmany more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yetit all seems limitless.'

- Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky

Dean

Police Brutality 2012


Dutty in his Christmas Jumper

Emma, 2012

Ben, 2012

"You're like American Beauty- and I'm like that paper bag"

2011-12-31T12:30:00.000-08:00

from the ground up

2011-11-26T09:42:00.000-08:00

Portrait of Alex with bandaged hand - October, 2011

Luke doing what he does best - October, 2011

Roddy and Lucy in the Kitchen - November, 2011

Chris and Lucy with camera - November, 2011

Untitled - November, 2011

Portrait of Chris, Outside - November, 2011

Untitled - November, 2011

Roddy in shadow - November, 2011

Luke Outside - November, 2011

Untitled - November, 2011

Lucy and Ben in the kitchen - November, 2011

Ben lighting firework - November, 2011

Remnants of P.town

2011-11-14T15:17:00.000-08:00

These portraits have been taken from a hitherto unedited collection of films shot between 2008 and 2011 whilst studying at the University of Plymouth. Whilst there I was fortunate enough to meet and live among some of the most engaging and inspiring freaks I ever met. For this I am glad. But more than anything else I am glad that not one of them ever acted like an actual fucking student. Pub golf anyone?

Lords of P.Town, 2008

Portrait of Morgan - 2009

Speed is like a dozen trans-atlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. Time change; you lose you gain. It doesn't matter so long as you keep taking the pills. But sooner or later you've gotta get out, because it's crashing. And all of a sudden those frozen hours melt through the nervous system, and seep out the pores.

Untitled - 2009

Untitled - 2009

Sam and Louis on the bed - 2009

Sam Williams in Cafe 45 - 2010

Portrait of Louis - 2010

Sam on his bed - 2009

Sam, Hungover - 2010

Untitled - 2009

Untitled - 2010

Craig Unconscious - 2008

Walking through town - 2010

Louis lighting cigarette - 2010

Untitled - 2011

Louis and Sam hanging like fuck - 2010

I started photographing the people of my social life in 2005, and then more consistently from 2006 onwards, when I acknowledged that these people and moments wouldn't be around forever. The blog was originally called 'Reflections' and later 'Friends in High Places'. Looking back through the images however, from us failing school and drinking all day through 2006, up to the discovery of heroin and the end of my semi-documented teenage romance in 2009, i decided 'Our shit lives' was a more fitting title. The photographs on this blog are unedited, uncleaned negative scans and subsequently some images are questionable in their quality.
As a photographer I have been influenced heavily by the work of Nan Goldin and the forerunners of the snapshot aesthetic. the discovery of Larry Clark and Corinne Day has also played a part in developing my style and appreciation for the medium. The authenticity of the photograph and sincerity of a captured moment in time is what keeps me inspired and 'taking pictures'.

August and September: Portraits

2011-10-10T04:44:00.000-07:00

In the midst of my post-university existential crisis I have lapsed somewhat in processing the films I have recently shot, and have instead taken to reading books like Douglas Coupland's Generation X to ease the pain of my early twenties breakdown.

I have, however, edited down a few portraits from the end of July to the beginning of September, starting with Mark E Smith of The Fall. I have no shame in admitting I exploited the generosity of a local listings magazine to attend this gig for free, but they are a band it would certainly seem a crime not to see live at least once.

More recent films I have yet to develop (as I apparently have to pay for it now) are increasingly divorced from the snapshot aesthetic I have always striven to maintain, and have moved into an ambiguous transition of moods and themes. I blame the vague optimism that is now encroaching on my life and an evolving set of friends that are consistently dispproving all the reasons for my universal embitterment- happy fucks.

Alas, for now, what I currently exhibit below are recent observations almost exclusively of Ben and the new chapter of our heterosexual-gayness and our new, fortunately well-lit, house.

Mark E Smith of The Fall. July, 2011

Portrait of Ben on the sofa. September, 2011

David and his dragon tattoo. August, 2011

August, 2011
Portrait of Ben in the living room. August, 2011

Ben eating ice cream. August, 2011.

This fuck can usually be found spending all the loose change found about the house filling his fat head full of ice cream.

Lorah and Mic in my living room. August, 2011

Bandy leg. August, 2011

August, 2011: The view out of our living room. No real aesthetic or significant qualities to this image aside from the fact that i am extremely smug about having a shed.

Ben likes to leave me nice messages once in a while.

2011-07-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

Our Shit Lives so far:
Clashing somewhat with a Smiths t-shirt combo. Danny and I in The Purple Turtle, July 2011.

I haven't posted in a many weeks as i've just been going through the (fortunately quite smooth) transition from University to Real Life. My new job, however, doesn't pay out for another whole week so I am relying heavily on 35mm Poundland film which, unsuprisingly, doesn't quite cut it.

This blog doesn't generally contain my words, but I feel with regards to my photographic diary it's worth celebrating the fact i'm back in Reading now, and have my own place with David and Ben. The fact i'm employed also means I can fund my photographic endeavours and finally get some practice to evolve out of this oily neutral., hurrah.

David against green tiled wall, Reading. July 2011

Aaron asleep with Union Flags, Reading. July 2011

Self-portrait in shop mirror, Reading. July, 2011.

Reading/Brighton/Reading

2011-04-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

Self-portrait with Luke and David, Reading. April 2011

Luke downing a shot in the Purple Turtle, Reading. April, 2011

Roddy in the Purple Turtle, Reading. April, 2011

Ben carrying a crate through the underpass, Reading. April 2011

walking through Reading, April 2011

Ben in his garden, Cross-processed slide film. April 2011

David in Little Heath field, Cross-processed slide film. April 2011

Me and Georgia (i), Cross-processed slide film.

Me and Georgia (iii), Cross-processed slide film.

Dean, Brighton. March 2011

Dean drinking at the level, Brighton. March, 2011

Harriet in the graveyard, Brighton. March, 2011

Georgia reading with Sophia, Brighton. March, 2011

Georgia reading with Sophia (ii), Brighton. March, 2011
Ben reading in Kings Meadow, Reading, April, 2011

Roddy at the start of sunset, Kings Meadow, Reading, April 2011

Kings Meadow, Reading. April 2011

David with his golden Buddha, Reading. April 2011

Legend, Reading. April 2011

Legend and Danny in Walkabout, Reading. April 2011

Steel, Caversham. April 2011

Steel, Caversham. April 2011

Ben semi-conscious, Reading. April 2011

James with his mashed up tooth, Reading. April 2011

Aaron juggling, Reading. April 2011

Aaron's cut face, Reading. April 2011

Ben and Danny, Reading. April 2011

Ben and Sam, Reading. April 2011

Ben smoking in Reading town. April, 2011

Brighton mission

2011-03-25T02:16:00.001-07:00

Super Moon, Brighton. 19th March 2011

Georgia looking up, Brighton. March 2011

Georgia and Sophia, Brighton. March 2011

Picnic in a graveyward, Brighton. March 2011

Georgia and Sophia, Brighton. March 2011

Dean's room, Brighton. March 2011

Standard Dean, Brighton. March 2011

Georgia making cigarette, Brighton. March 2011

Drinking in the graveyard, Brighton. March 2011

Portrait of Georgia under tree, Brighton. March 2011

Dean with a bottle of Crumpton, Brighton. March 2011

Dean, Brighton. March 2011

Georgia and Dean, Brighton. March 2011

article/photo publication

2011-03-03T08:09:00.000-08:00

Jan-Feb 2011

2011-02-28T09:42:00.000-08:00

Ben and David, Kings Meadow. Feburary 2011.
Yes, it does rather go without saying that this photograph, along with the many others archived in this blog, are a testament to our commitment to this shitty field. Since 2005, and indeed on my first ever entry on this blog, my time in Reading has been punctuated with consistent visits to this place whether it's 6 inches deep in a torrential flood or full of young families on a Summers day out. No matter what the weather there'll always be cider and there'll always be freaks.

David in Little Heath Park, Reading. Feburary, 2011.

Portrait of Georgia, Reading. Feburary, 2011.

This is me Pops and he likes dragons, Reading. Feburary, 2011.

Self-Portrait, before leaving Plymouth for Brighton. Feburary, 2011.

Georgia and I in the mirror, Brighton. Feburary, 2011.

Georgia in her mothers living room, Brighton. Feburary, 2011.

Dean and Harriet on the bed, Brighton. Feburary, 2011.

Georgia on Dean's bed, Brighton. Feburary, 2011.

Self-Portrait, Brighton. Feburary, 2011.

Georgia, Brighton. Feburary, 2011.

Me taken by Georgia, Brighton. Feburary, 2011.
Yup!

Joanna Yeates; we never knew her

2011-01-10T15:17:00.001-08:00

Aaron and James sitting in The Shed, December, 2010.

Aaron and I driving to get Booze, December, 2010.

Aaron with a can of Carling, December, 2010.

Ben texting Steel, December, 2010.

Ben on his bed, December, 2010.

Drinking tea in Cafe Giadino, Reading, December, 2010.

Walking through snow, Reading, December, 2010.

Luke and Emma embracing on Christmas Day. Luke's House, Reading, December, 2010.

Ben smoking in my parents' garden, December, 2010.

Whilst reports are on the radio appealing to search for Joanna Yeates, Ben and I play chess and smoke cigarettes. December 2010.

Ben smoking in my parents' garden, December, 2010.

Portrait of David in my parents' garden, December, 2010.

Lower, December, 2010.

Ben getting dressed in his bedroom, December, 2010.

Portrait of Mum, December, 2010.

Aaron taking a break from work, January, 2011.

Aaron and Adam in the Victoria, January, 2011.

Georgia in the Purple Turtle, December, 2010.

Aaron and his friends on Christmas day at my parents' house. December, 2010.

Aaron and his friends on Christmas Day. December, 2010.

Bill making a Cointreau float, Christmas Day, December, 2010.

Aaron and Bill on Christmas Day, December, 2010.

Christmas Day in the kitchen at my parents' house, December, 2010.

Ben and I arguing on Christmas Eve, December, 2010.

Matt Roddy on Christmas Eve, December, 2010.
Joanna Yeates is found dead, Aaron and I get shitfaced and play cards, Christmas Day, 2010.

Portraits in the summertime// Brighton, Plymouth and Reading June-August

2010-09-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

revisions

2010-06-20T11:15:00.001-07:00

Been debating as of late whether I should give David back his SLR after all these years and utilise my grandads old rangefinder permanently. (My introduction to photography is itself a long-winded tale of chance and charitable aquisitions) It's a time-weathered old fucker. These few shots I've taken with it have been cleaned and edited to help me decide.

Dean, 2007

Danielle & Dean, 2008

Ben, David & Danielle, 2008

(left) David 2009, (right) David 2008

Ben smoking, 2008

Gilles & Ben, 2008

five years of Kings Meadow

2010-05-24T03:25:00.000-07:00

David smoking, The victoria, May 2010

David stroking Lily, The victoria, May 2010

Aaron and Lily, The victoria, May 2010
This is my little brother. He's actually one of the loveliest guys you could ever meet when he isn't stabbing people.

David in his bedroom. May 2010

David, Roddy and I, Kings Meadow, May 2010

David outside a Wetherspoon, May 2010

David and Ben on the Bench, Kings Meadow, May 2010

Ben smoking, Kings Meadow, May 2010

Sunbathing, Kings Meadow, May 2010

Tesco, May 2010

Ben rolling a cigarette, Kings Meadow, May 2010

Luke, May 2010

Grace, May 2010

Roddy, May 2010

2010-05-21T17:20:00.000-07:00

clip from a Cornwall trip, March 2008. I might forward it to BBC for their next bout of anti-drug campaigns...

Felix Felicis all round

2010-04-30T17:40:00.001-07:00

Ben and I on Luke's bed, March 2010.
This was my birthday week and as such I was sideways enough during those seven days to let someone else take the helm and photograph me for once.
David smoking in Reading Town Center, April 2010
I took this whilst we were deciding what to do with our day. Ended up in the Oxfam book shop for about 2 hours, and generally quite loving it.

David at the Riverside, April 2010

David beside Luke's Vinyls, March 2010

Dean at Work, March 2010
This is Dean working in the burger-van at the Purple Turtle, having been sacked from Mcdonald's somehow. About three weeks after this was taken he stormed out of this job too.

Legend at the bustop, April 2010

Legend with a Coke, April 2010

David and I in Luke's bedroom, March 2010

Will and Grace (haha) in Luke's bedroom, March 2010

Luke's bedroom, March 2010
Luke on his decks, March 2010

Ben on my sofa, March 2010

more photographs

2010-04-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

i'm staring at four rolls of film that need developing. They will be here soon.

A good substitute for film...

2010-03-06T06:11:00.000-08:00

...Persil Boxes and Sharpie pens apparently,

Fuck knows how I reached that conclusion, but it was a night remembered only by these...

.

2010-02-21T13:57:00.000-08:00

I'm overwhelmed by a great sadness that I haven't been Reading bound in over a month. And as consequence am lacking in photographs of relevence to this blog.

I could spend this current lull in activity cleaning my negatives and re-scanning and uploading them to a quality that actually does them justice, but in all honesty I probably won't. My mind and body are currently being applied to A4 sheets of paper and a lightbox as my ideals have once again shifted mediums back into the realm of animation..

Also in the process of creating a sister-blog which will consist of all the documenting i've done since being in Plymouth. The links will be up when all the scannings been done...

negatives in the post.

2010-01-20T08:16:00.001-08:00

This film had been kicking about undeveloped since December. I generally need to wait until I venture Reading bound to get C41 film developed for a non-extortionate price. The second photograph is of my housemate who hasn't featured on here so far, i'm keeping the Plymouth story for another day. But I like the photograph because it features our former Basil plant which has since got itself perished. The below photograph is of young David, whose visage has improved somewhat since coming off the smack.
David at the bar, the Purple Turtle, December, 2009.

Louis and Basil in the living room, Plymouth, December, 2009.

A film from sometime in 2008 that I've uncovered in my prohibitively messy negative box

2010-01-19T08:41:00.000-08:00

'Please keep this door closed and don't let the smells or noise go to the bedrooms.' 202, 2008.

This film was shot in 202 where they briefly lived before moving into a nicer house just up the road. The place was a shithole, but I don't think Legend drew the line until the day he discovered a syringe full of blood in the fridge, next to the butter.

Legend and Alex laughing, 202, 2008.

Legend and Alex in the living room, 202, 2008.

Alex in the living room at 202, 2008.
I always wanted to get a shot of his tattoos, and never saw him as often as I did the others. Fuck knows where he went after they moved out- luckily I got this though.

Legend and Alex in the living room at 202, 2008.

The sofa, 202, 2008.

Legend reading porn, 202, 2008.

2010-01-11T13:51:00.000-08:00

Walking to Work through the Tilehurst Triangle, January, 2010

Dean sliding down an iced stairwell, January, 2010

Dean in the Bird Estate Woods, January, 2010

Luke and I bombing through town, January, 2010

'a moment of clarity' January, 2010

Luke and Grace sitting on the bed, January, 2010

Dressing for snow, January, 2010

Luke chewing Firecrackers, January, 2010

Luke on his decks, January, 2010

2010-01-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

Sparky and Scriv, The Horn, January, 2010
These shots were taken about 15 minutes before I got the train back to Plymouth. My dwindling funds were spent on buying the unemployed bastards those drinks on the table.

Sparky and Dean, The Horn, January, 2010

Sparky saluting, The Horn, January, 2010

Dean's in his furs, The Horn, January, 2010

the following photographs are the result of experimenting with a Sure Shot compact i picked up from a charity shop...

Dean, Savacentre Field, January, 2010
We started drinking in this field about 2pm. We were there until about 9pm and Dean was actually laughing at me for being cold... I don't know how he manages to survive in that attire.

Dean drinking, Savacentre field, January, 2010

Walking in the snow, Savacentre field, January, 2010

Savacentre field, January, 2010

David drinking outside Reading Bowl, January, 2010

hand drying in The Bull, January, 2010

David smoking outside The Bull, January, 2010

Outside The Bull, January, 2010

Scriv and Dean smoking, Theale, January, 2010

with a Clapperboard in The Bull, January, 2010

The Crew clapperboard, The Bull, January, 2010

Dean with the Clapperboard, The Bull, January, 2010

New Years

2010-01-01T10:37:00.000-08:00

David, Ben and Roddy, the last frame of New Year, January, 2010

David and Ben, Roddy's at New Year, January, 2010

Sparky, Scriv and the South African, January, 2010

Ben and David, Roddy's at New Year, January, 2010

David, Ben and Sparky, Roddy's at New Year, January, 2010

David and Ben, January, 2010

Scriv and the South African, January, 2010

Sparky and Ben, mincing past a fire-spinner, Gun Street, December, 2009

Ben and some Goths in the Turtle, December, 2009

Sparky in the Turtle garden, December, 2009

Sparky in the Turtle garden, December, 2009

Ben in his room, December, 2009

With a body like this who needs hair, December, 2009

2009-12-07T12:37:00.000-08:00

Pipe before bed, December, 2009
Pipe before bed, December, 2009

2am Perfect Fried Chicken, December, 2009
Ben drunkenly rambling about something. After about 4 minutes of him spattering pieces of chip in my face I just turned off and took this... He's oblivious to the camera, and actually looks quite good for some reason. The lazy left eye is a giveaway though.

Never Again, December, 2009
David took to himself with a razorblade for this little statement. Colour film probably would have done it justice because it really looked so raw and painful. But I got it which is what counts. The tattoo of the pin-up girl is one of Ben's practises.

Legend and David back in the Purple Turtle, December, 2009

David in the Turtle, December, 2009

how i lost my suit

2009-11-18T06:14:00.000-08:00

With a Rubix Cube, April, 2009
The sheer despair of going cold turkey is hard to capture. I took relatively few photographs of this visit because film has gone up in price and i've been remarkabley poor of late. Bad times all round.

Sparky up on valium, sporting a freshly bartered suit and £400 cash, November 2009

I've never been a gambler- ever. I won't even do lottery tickets. This is mainly because (a) i'm shit and (b) much like the company I keep, I have an addictive personality. This photograph is of Sparky from when the guys came to visit me in Plymouth recently. I was up for going out amphetamized, they were up for staying in amphetamized... It was decided on the flip of a coin... with my suit thrown in for good measure. Needless to say they won, so we stayed in and Sparky got a new suit, the fucker.

Roddy, Dean and Scriv, Drinks at the Megabowl, August, 2009

Autobiography and the Snapshot Aesthetic: An exploration of the Visual Diarists

2009-11-16T10:24:00.000-08:00

an essay:

Autobiography and the Snapshot Aesthetic: An exploration of the Visual Diarists

I was first introduced to the style of subjective documentary photography in secondary school, after my art teacher brought in her copy of Corinne Day’s Diary (2000) to show me. I had, up until that point, been intrigued by the book Hiromix (1998), a collection of largely self-portrait documentary snapshots by the eponymous Japanese photographer. The teacher’s only intention in showing me Diary had been to illustrate the stark contrasts possible between these different documentary practitioners. However, I was instantly gripped by the concept and intensity of Day’s book, which consequently dawned an acknowledgement of the photograph’s power as a preservative and mirror to reality.
The same teacher went on to introduce me, with much scepticism due to my age, to the work of Nan Goldin, one of the most significant photographers in the field of snapshot autobiography and a huge liberator in terms of my own perception of the medium.

It is important to acknowledge that the snapshot approach to photography is not an innovation that emerged alongside these ‘visual diarists’. The style came to prominence largely thanks to the development of the M series Leica, which was discreet and unobtrusive in size, and pioneered by forerunners such as Garry Winogrand and Robert Frank in the mid-twentieth century, through their subjectively anarchistic photojournalism.
It is significant however, that later practitioners such as Goldin and Larry Clark implemented this style at a time when the photographic medium was being pushed further into mirroring the fictions of cinema through elaborately lit, staged scenarios, and being utilised more ambitiously than ever as a mass-marketing tool. A tie that Goldin would later denounce as ‘reprehensible and evil’ (Garratt, Sheryl. The Observer. ‘The Dark Room’, 6/01/2002) after her work inadvertently helped spawn the ‘heroin-chic’ look of the early 90’s.
The essence of the snapshot is to capture and immortalise the briefest of moments and it is evident from examining Goldin’s work that the Leica camera’s minimal presence and noise output is advantageous in photographing an emotionally charged unadulterated reality. In her early work, which culminated to create The Ballad of Sexual Dependency (1986), this aesthetic is used to document and explore the lives of her friends and by extension herself in prolific uncensored depth. The unflinching depictions of a bohemian subculture consistent of ‘third gender’ queens, drug addiction and homosexuality, shot almost exclusively on colour transparency film, brought Goldin to prominence in the1980’s.
While these photographs, in their colour saturated naturally lit ambience, are unquestionably beautiful it is also the idea and the tenderness behind them that prevails. The name captions that underpin each image give the viewer, by the end, a sense of empathy and knowledge about the people depicted, which completely contradicts the objective detachment found in most other applications of the medium. And besides the fact that the world Goldin and her ‘family’ inhabit is alien to most of us, there is still an underlying relation in the photographs, between subject and viewer, of our emotional fluctuations as human beings. The consistency and persistence of Goldin’s project, alongside the apparent invisibility of her camera is what makes it so strikingly powerful.

In comparison to Goldin’s harsh, soul-bearing realities, the aforementioned Hiromix, offers the viewer a style of documentary that dwells in a realm more akin to that of Cindy Sherman’s Untitled Film Stills.
Her award winning collection of photographs Seventeen Girl Days is a document of consistent self-reflection that attempts to portray the teenage fears and aspirations that emerge on the transitional cusp of adulthood. Though not as physically explicit as Goldin, Hiromix’s photographs were confrontational in terms of her own country’s cultural traditions. Self-portraits, often of herself clad only in underwear, epitomised a certain liberation in young Japanese women, and brought their emerging concept of the ‘teen-idol’ forward into the realm of photography.
Although in the same conceptual niche as that of Goldin and Day, post-Seventeen Girl Days Hiromix takes more deliberate involvement in how she is portrayed "People came to think of the photographs as being in the realm of `cute', and I didn't want that impression to continue… I wanted to do something different. I try to express myself as cool, reticent, a bit stand-offish. I try not to show too much of myself." (Lloyd Parry, Richard. The Independent, ‘Real People Interview- Hiromix’. 31/01/1999)
A consequence of this is evidently going to be a masking of Hiromix’s reality, which practitioners such as Goldin would strive to unveil. However it does succeed in showing us another side to the artist, the moody aloofness of the late adolescent, which of course, ultimately a stage in her autobiography.
At a glance, a Hiromix photograph could be misconstrued as a snapping by the average self-involved teenager, who seem to have emerged in force since the dawn of digital age. However, when considering the artists sequenced work, it’s evidently her ability to document both life’s most worthwhile moments, and ones of extreme mundanity in equal measure that makes her so intriguing. There is a sense of extreme worth in every photograph as she tries to communicate to the viewer that everything is passing, and that nothing in life is trivial.

Visual Diarists operate within private realms where they document first and foremost for themselves and their desire to preserve those whom they love and are close to. Gavin Watson, a British photographer whose first publication Skins (1994) came out in the mid-nineties, is no exception.
The difference with Watson’s work, as opposed to those previously mentioned however, is that the social and political climate of the time is as prominent as the subject in almost every photograph. The fashions and actions of those depicted mirror a cultural intensity that culminated in Britain’s working class under Margaret Thatcher’s conservative government.
Watson himself has stated in interviews that he thought nothing of the photographs’ significance at the time and they were but a product of his interest in the medium . However, twenty years on it is evident that his project is one not only of autobiographical merit, but also of era defining importance.
It is a coherent subjective documentation of the Skinhead movement, capturing and often dispelling misconceptions of what it was about. The post-introduction photograph in his book Skins and Punks: the lost archives (2008), depicts two skinheads, one with the other jokingly in a headlock, on one side of the frame. On the other, two middle-aged people are walking past with a seemingly deliberate aversion, conveying the outsiders’ perception of them. The book then goes on to document with an obvious warmth and celebration, the youth of these specific people at this specific time, displacing them completely from the external impressions one might consider them by.

Goldin, Day and Watson document a variety of people with whom they interact, but all three have a specific individual of prominent feature throughout their different projects. Watson has a clear inclination for photographing his younger brother Nev, who is both expressive and carries himself with an obvious photogenic quality. Day focuses on Tara whom she met in 1991 and documented consistently for Diary after an apparent self-exile from the fashion industry. And Goldin is famous for documenting her close friend Cookie Mueller up until Cookie’s death in 1989.
These primary subjects are inevitably so because they have a significant relationship with the artist or camera, but they also, as ‘main characters’, epitomise the themes around which the bulk of these visual diaries operate.
The aforementioned photographers’ documented lives are worlds away from what an average person would perceive to be normal, and even in the photographs that convey familiar elements of life’s mundanity, they never succeed in boring the viewer. It is the practitioners’ ability to make us care about their lives and these people that divides them from the ‘tourist’ notion of the snapshot.

So what is it precisely that makes the viewer care, or at least maintain intrigue about these very personalised works. First of all, it may be just that, the fact that these photographs are an insight into a very secular environment which we would otherwise know nothing about, (very much arousing that part of the human psyche that leads people to spy their neighbours over the garden fence). This alone however, could not warrant the massive and prolonged attention that has been given to these artists. It is also due to the peculiar meshing together of physical otherness with the sense of emotional familiarity that these photographs evoke.
Watson lived and photographed the bulk of his Skins book less than twenty miles away from my own hometown. And yet the photographs appear as an entirely different reality. There is a certain otherness about the young skinheads, children from the same class background as myself, all attired in the unison of their movement. However, looking past these differences there is also a sense of nostalgia in the photographs, about the essence of youth in and of itself.
The same can be said for Goldin, whose aforementioned Ballad of Sexual Dependency is an even greater step away from what would be considered normal, and yet even closer in terms of emotional relation. A strong example of this is the photograph Greer and Robert on the Bed, NYC, 1982, which depicts the eponymous characters sat on a bed in a squat like abode. The otherness of their world is evident by the brick-bare walls mounted with tattered theatre masks, and the rusted bed on which they sit. Greer is lying on her side, white in complexion and clutching her wrist, arousing the suspicion, but maintaining an ambiguity, of drug use. The scene as a whole is disturbing but in equal measure it is clearly one fraught with an emotional turmoil to which everyone can relate.
Robert is running his hand through his hair and looking off frame with an obvious intensity. Greer’s expression is sorrowful and self-involved, she’s lying away from Robert as if wanting to be alone. But most fascinating of all is that there is not even the slightest inclination that Goldin is present at this scene with her camera.

My inclination towards the medium of photography is largely to do with the aforementioned artists, with particular regard to Goldin and Day. It is entirely the capturing of reality that inspires me, and the constant pursuit of preserving lives through image making.
Day’s photograph of a pregnant Tara considering herself in the bedroom mirror of her dingy squat is more powerful an image than could hope to be achieved through any kind of theatrical reconstruction or digital manipulation. It evokes a profound sadness to know that it is real, Tara is real, and that is her existence.
However, it is not through any desire to replicate the scenarios of this often tragic work that I am drawn to the autobiographical aspect of the medium. Nor is it through some socio-narcissism that I feel people should want to know about those with whom I am involved. But it is much more to do with a personal want of preservation due to a fear of loss or being forgotten that inspires my own practice.
I started my own, as of yet untitled project at the age of seventeen, but even in starting at this early age I lamentably sift through photographs by a fifteen year old Gavin Watson and resign to the fact that moments of my early teens have been lost forever.

2009-08-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

Dean and Ben, August, 2009
August, 2009
Dean catching a moth in the lampshade, (he actually caught it) August, 2009
David, August, 2009
David and Ben, August, 2009
Ben and Sparky, August, 2009
Ben, August, 2009
Ben stroking Sparky, August, 2009

Nat's Wedding

2009-08-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

Nat and Steve, Forbury Gardens, July, 2009
The Bride and The Crew, Forbury Gardens, July, 2009
Group shot, Nat's Wedding, Town Hall, July, 2009
Dean and Ben conversing, Nat's Wedding, Town Hall, July, 2009

2009-04-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

Honking on his skag pipe, April, 2009
Ben in the living room, April, 2009
Ben in his room, April, 2009
Dean, Kings Meadow, April, 2009
Dean, The Purple Turtle, April, 2009
Kings Meadow, April, 2009
Ben in the living room, April, 2009
David in the living room, April, 2009

2009-03-30T13:12:00.000-07:00

Megabowl pool-hall, March, 2009
David at Megabowl, March, 2009
David playing pool at Megabowl, March, 2009
David and Ben, Megabowl, March, 2009
David, Hilly and Ben, Calcot estate, March, 2009

2009-02-16T12:51:00.000-08:00

The Kitchen, 2009
Emily in my makeshift room, 2009
This is one of the last photographs i took of her. She was a temporarily permanent girlfriend.

My makeshift room, 2009
Ben in the Purple Turtle, Feburary, 2009
Searching for the missing skag, Feburary, 2009

Searching for the missing skag, Feburary, 2009

Gilles and Jon in the living room, Feburary, 2009
Ritchie and Legend, Feburary, 2009
David and Legend, January, 2009
Mariella and Ben, January, 2009
Gilles, January, 2009
Gilles and David, January, 2009

2008-12-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

Ben and David, The Purple Turtle, December, 2008

Legend in the living room, December, 2008
David in the Purple Turtle, December, 2008
Mariella and Ben in the Purple Turtle, December, 2008
Mariella and Ben in the Purple Turtle, December, 2008
Mariella and Ben in the Purple Turtle, December, 2008
David, Ben and Mariella in town, December, 2008
Ben and David, Ben's room, December, 2008
Mariella in Ben's room, December, 2008
Ben designing a tattoo, December, 2008
Legend in the living room, December, 2008
Alex in the living room, December, 2008
Legend in the living room, December, 2008
David and Mariella, Ben's room, 2008
David, Ben and Mariella, Ben's room, 2008
Ben in his bedroom, November, 2008
David in Ben's bedroom, November, 2008
Gilles, Jon Mcguire, The living room, November, 2008
Alex in the living room, November, 2008
Ben in his room, November, 2008

2008-11-09T11:52:00.000-08:00

David, Ben and Ritchie, The Curzon Club, 2008
Dean, The Curzon Club, 2008
David and Nat, The Curzon Club, 2008
Ritchie and Henri, The Curzon Club, 2008
David, my brother, and Ben, The Curzon Club, 2008

David and Ben visit Plymouth

2008-09-30T11:23:00.000-07:00

Ben, Plymouth, 2008
Ben, Plymouth, 2008
Ben, Plymouth, 2008
David, Plymouth, 2008
David, Plymouth, 2008
Ben and David, Plymouth, 2008
Ben and David, Plymouth, 2008
Ben and I, Plymouth, 2008

living at 202

2008-09-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

Legend and Alex, 202, 2008
Swastika boots + Porno, 202, 2008
Alex at 202, 2008

2008-08-30T13:09:00.000-07:00

Calcot field, August, 2008
I'm not sure why Dean only has one shoe on in this picture. It's one of those inexplicable traits that this calibre of person has that leads their introduction to new people being something like 'Oh, don't worry, that's just Dean.'

Calcot field, August, 2008
Sunglasses when the suns going down generally means something alien is flowing in the cranial fluids.

Calcot field, August, 2008
Calcot field, August, 2008

2008-08-30T10:41:00.000-07:00

Henri, Pavlov's dog, 2008
Or should I say Will from the Inbetweeners.

David and Ritchie, Pavlov's dog, 2008
Ben inking himself, 2008
Sam's flat, 2008
Legend and Sam, Sam's flat, 2008
Ben's madman urination and Dean, Kings Meadow, 2008
David, Dean and Legend, Kings Meadow, 2008

This shot is a testament to the formation and persistence of our group that came about in early 2005. I can remember that we all started hanging out in the sixth-form common room after realising that we were the only ones that stayed in there for the entire day. We ended up talking and eventually just fucking off every lunchtime to drink in Kings Meadow, always being shitfaced by 5pm.
Sixth form was hell after the others finally dropped out. I remember being in class and getting a phonecall at about midday every Friday. They were always already in the meadow, and i'd always just leave school to meet them. Completely outraging my friday afternoon History teacher.

Ben inking Legend, 2008

Ben's first Tattoo, 2008

Ben and David, Ben's garden, 2008

Legend on strike, Ben's garden, 2008

Ben and David, Kings Meadow, 2008

Ben inking Legend, 2008

Ben inking my leg, 2008

Ben and Legend, 2008

Legend, Ben's garden, 2008

folkestone

2008-08-01T04:23:00.000-07:00

2008-05-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

Plymouth Hotel, 2008
Emily, Plymouth Hotel, 2008
Bedroom wall!, 2008

2008-05-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

Emily, Purple Turtle, 2008
Purple Turtle, 2008
Ben, Kings Meadow, 2008
Kings Meadow, BBQ, 2008
Kings Meadow, 2008
idle Ben, Kings Meadow, 2008
Dean, Kings Meadow, 2008
Ben drinking, Kings Meadow, 2008
Dean, Kings Meadow, 2008
Kings Meadow, 2008

lunch at ponti's

2008-05-15T10:18:00.000-07:00

Ponti's, 2008
Emily, Ponti's, 2008
Ponti's, 2008
Emily, Ponti's, 2008

Newquay...again.

2008-03-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

Lost on the way, 2008
Dean hungover, Newquay, 2008
Roddy, Lucy, Cartwright, Newquay, 2008
Dean Drunk, Newquay, 2008
Dean hungover, Newquay, 2008
Dean, journey to Newquay, 2008
Roddy, Dean and Cartwright, Newquay, 2008
Nick and I, Newquay, 2008
Dean, Newquay, 2008
Nick pilled out of his mind, Newquay, 2008

2008-03-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

Legend honking on his skag pipe, 2008
Heroin, 2008
Heroin, 2008
Legend, Night time, 2008

New Year

2008-01-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

Danielle and Dean, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008
Alex, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008
Danielle and Fraser, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008
Legend, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008
Lucy, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008
David pilled out of his mind, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008
Ben and David, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008
Ben, David, Danielle, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008
Danny and Dean, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008
Danny and David, New Year, Purple Turtle, 2008

2007-10-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

Bedroom, 2007
Bedroom, 2007
Bedroom, 2007
Garden love-hearts, 2007

2007-09-30T09:16:00.000-07:00

David's house, 2007
Ben pilled out of his mind, po-na-na's, 2007
Ben and David, The Secret Garden, 2007
David's house, 2007
Ben, The Riverside, 2007

2007-09-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

Ben, Riverside, 2007
Dean, Purple Turtle, 2007
The Secret Garden, 2007
Ben and Dean gurning, The Secret Garden, 2007
David, The Secret Garden, 2007
Legend, Purple Turtle, 2007
Purple Turtle, 2007

bournemouth excursion

2007-09-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

Emily on the train to Bournemouth, 2007
Emily on the train to Bournemouth, 2007
on the train, 2007
Emily and I, train to Bournemouth, 2007
Emily, 2007

2007-09-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

Reading festival, 2007
Ben, Reading festival, 2007
Dean and Dan the bastard, Reading festival, 2007
Henri and Adam, Reading festival, 2007
Pill times, Reading Festival, 2007
Dean and Emily, Reading festival, 2007
Richard, Reading festival, 2007
Reading festival, 2007
Richard, Reading festival, 2007
Dean and Ben, Reading festival, 2007

Oh My God. Colour Film!

2007-08-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Ben, Newquay, 2007
Legend, Newquay, 2007
Ben, Newquay, 2007
Ben and Legend and a child, 2007
Ben and Legend and a child, 2007

2007-06-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

John, Hannah and Dean, Legend's garden, June, 2007
Dean, Legend's garden, June, 2007
Hannah and Legend, Legend's garden, June, 2007
Legend and Hannah, Danny and John, Legend's garden, June, 2007
John, Legend's garden, June, 2007
Legend's garden, June, 2007
Legend's Birthday, across the road from The Prince, June, 2007
Legend's Birthday, The Plough, June, 2007
Ben, Kings Meadow, 2007
Hannah reading Legend's job dismissal, Kings Meadow, 2007
Ben rollin', Kings Meadow, 2007
Legend sniffin', Kings Meadow, 2007
Henri smokin', Kings Meadow, 2007
Beth, Kings Meadow, 2007
Henri, Kings Meadow, 2007

2007-05-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

Ben getting HST inked, 2007
Ben and Legend, Kings Meadow, 2007
John and Ben, Kings Meadow, 2007
Ben pissing, Kings Meadow, 2007

Dogma comedown day

2007-05-14T07:12:00.000-07:00

Ben and Danny, 2007
Ben, 2007
Ben, 2007
Dean, 2007
Legend, 2007
Legend, 2007

2007-03-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

Danny playing pool in the Plough, 2007
In the Plough, 2007
Dean and Danny in Subway, 2007
Danny playing pool, The Plough, 2007

2006-09-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

Ben in David's room, 2006
Ben in David's room, 2006
David's room, 2006
David in his bedroom, 2006

May + June. Woods camping and house drinking

2006-06-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

Bloodied boxers
Danny on the playstation, 2006
Ben in a Sombrero, 2006
Adam with Jack Daniels, 2006
Woods Camping, 2006
Woods Camping, 2006
Woods Card game, 2006
In the Woods, 2006
Dean, Ben, Legend, 2006
David and his pipe, 2006
In the school field, 2006
Emily's artwork, 2006
David in the garden, night time, 2006
David and Emily, 2006
Emily, David and Dean, 2006
David in the garden, daytime, 2006
Emily and David, 2006

The Boxing Club

2006-04-30T10:32:00.000-07:00

bloodied Alex, 2006
Bloodied Alex, 2006
Alex on stage, 2006
Jay on stage, 2006
Josh lighting up (R.I.P) 2006
Sick Boy, Junction XIII, 2006
Sick Boy on stage, 2006

March

2006-03-30T06:27:00.000-08:00

Emily, 2006
Emily and her school children, 2006
Emily, 2006
Legend, The Boxing Club, 2006
Ben, The Boxing Club, 2006
Legend, The Boxing Club, 2006
Danielle's band, The Boxing Club, 2006
Ben, The Boxing Club, 2006
Ben and Legend, The Boxing Club, 2006

Another shameless late night advocacy of why Nan Goldin's best

2006-01-12T04:47:00.000-08:00

I write shameless love letters about nan goldin's work on a weekly basis, under the guise of academic advancement. I reckon at the very least if I put them up on here it justifies their existence more-so than being stored in the cardboard box of my failing sanity.

In truth i'd like to think i'm eventually working towards something where Vilem Flusser left off, but really i'm not. I'm just a wanker with a camera, a pen, and too much wine.

The medium of photography is one that has always been used to some degree or another to make a record of an event, or series of events. Ever since the camera was put on the consumer market they have been purchased for precisely this reason, to document a holiday or wedding for example, in order to preserve a memory of the occasion. It is in focusing solely on these isolated moments of family solidarity however, that the everyman amateur neuters the truth of their lives; censoring their memories to appear a rose-tinted spectacle of happiness. They divorce themselves entirely from the 20th Century fine-art photographer’s notion of the snapshot; where the photograph is an unflinching mirror to reality and a philosophically engaging vehicle to the Truth.

‘In family photography and now in home-video, the celebratory is sought out through the visualisation of healthily functioning familial roles. What remains absent in such images however, are things we perceive as culturally mundane or taboo. Art photography on the other hand, while embellishing the aesthetics of family snaps, often substitutes the emotional flip-side for their expected scenarios: sadness, disputes, addiction and illness. It also takes as its subjects the non-events of daily life.’ (charlotte cotton)

Practitioners of this style of photography first appeared in the early 1970’s. Larry Clark’s Tulsa, released in 1971 is an eight year record of Clark and his friends engaging in sex, drugs and posing with guns, among other things, and was a controversial success on its release. However, despite Clark’s consistent and graphic depictions of a suburban subculture, it was Nan Goldin’s Ballad of Sexual Dependency published fifteen years later that epitomised the idea of the visual diarist, and brought autobiographical photography to the attention of the mainstream art world.

Goldin’s work, unlike those before her, was never initiated with the preconception that it might one day in the future be published. It was initiated by a personal desire to preserve those around her whom she loves and fears to lose (a therapeutic response to her eighteen year old sister’s suicide.) It can be seen as an almost obsessive compulsion, to photograph so consistently and intimately the events and daily lives of herself and her friends. ‘Her description of the event of her sister’s suicide... vividly justifies the sense of urgency with which she photographs what is emotionally significant to her own version of history.’ (charlotte cotton)

The Ballad of Sexual Dependency is an intimate account of Goldin’s life living in The Bowery New York with her ‘family’; made up largely of ‘third-gender’ drag queens, homosexuals and recreational drug users. The nature of these people along with Goldin’s unflinching persistence in photographing them gave audiences of the time a rare glimpse into New York’s counter-culture. One of Goldin’s favourite photographs for example, Greer and Robert on the bed, 1982, is evidence of an intimate moment which is fraught with a very real tension. The body of Greer is hunched to one side of the bed clutching her wrist whilst Robert runs his hand through his hair, looking away out of the frame. The certain squalor that surrounds them is not the focus of attention, because, as is usual with Goldin’s work, the lifestyle and living conditions of her friends takes a backseat to the reality of the moment, which the viewer is confronted with. ‘Every one of Goldin’s photographs, today just as much as twenty years ago, is like a window opening on a labyrinthine body of stories – some happy, some tragic – in which drugs, homosexuality, excess and transvestism are secondary elements.’ (guido costa)

To resolve why audiences appreciate the ‘visual diarist’ movement as a whole, it would firstly be beneficial to consider Goldin’s work against that of her predecessor, Clark’s. After all, Clark’s work is in the same vein as Goldin’s and was published fifteen years previously, and yet it is Goldin who is widely acknowledged as the movements figurehead; an interesting inconsistency worthy of exploring.

Both of these artists have embedded themselves among the fringes of society; Goldin with the transvestite community of New York’s Bowery, and Clark among the youth communes of Tulsa, Oklahoma. These groups correlate somewhat in their photographed lifestyles; drug-taking, casual sex, deviance and violence are all a standard depiction by both practitioners. Aside from the obvious difference of Goldin working in colour saturated transparency film, and Clark in gritty black and white, it is the way the subjects are approached and represented, down to the very captions which describe them, that separates these artists. Photography critic Gerry Badger notes of Goldin’s work:

‘the book is about relationships – about Goldin’s relationships with her friends and lovers certainly, but also about the nurturing yet often corrosive nature of human relationships generally. That makes The Ballad a more complex work than, say, Clark’s Tulsa...Goldin looks beyond the sleazy glamour of sex and drugs...’ (genius of photography)

The fact that Goldin does indeed transcend the obvious presence of sex and drugs, mere coincidences that take a backseat to her friends and loved ones, she has created a body of work about relationships and gender roles (and the inversion thereof), and it is these universal factors to which society can relate.

Clark on the other hand, though indulging in drugs alongside his friends throughout the making of Tulsa, divorces himself somewhat from those depicted. For example the cover shot of Tulsa titled Dead 1970 (1970) is a very abrupt statement, giving nothing, elaborating on nothing to the audience. Clark’s friend Billy Mann stares out of the frame, posing with a raised gun. It is a positively emotionless sentiment on Clark’s part to caption this photograph ‘Dead’. It is very different from Goldin’s approach to the death of a friend, Gotscho kissing Gilles (1993) for example, though shocking, maintains a certain tenderness when the subject is clearly days, if not, hours away from death. Perhaps then, it is Goldin’s ability to empathise that has made her appear more humane, more appealing and relatable to audiences. The emotional depth captured in the intertwining narratives of her work transcends all that is squalid and otherworldly about her life and presents a raw and universally accessible series of photographs; ‘Like the best photography, it holds up a mirror to its time.’ (genius of photography)

It is also important to mention that Goldin has been consistent in who she photographs. The Ballad of Sexual Dependency through to The Devil’s playground (2003) have all been visual diaries of her world and her friends. Larry Clark on the other hand proceeded from the work on his friends in Tulsa to make Teenage Lust (1983) in which he documents teenagers previously unknown to him, whilst he himself is in his late thirties. This deviates from his previous autobiographical work in that these teenagers were purposely sought out, and thus not an honest reflection or representation of an autobiographical self.

If it is the realism and the honesty that struck audiences, and brought these artists to prominence, then it is interesting to consider the generation of photographers that followed.

Goldin’s massive success in using the snapshot diary aesthetic influenced a new generation of photographers. This, however, marks a turning point in what it meant to be a visual diarist. The photographer Ryan Mcginley, whose first collection of photographs The Kids are Alright (2002) was directly influenced by both Clark and Goldin, and as such he knew of the successes this style could bring.

‘The prospect of an emerging photographer having only an unwitting affinity with the work of Nan Goldin is increasingly unlikely. As a teenager, Mcginley had met Larry Clark and taken up photography... the implication of this publicized biography is that, early on, he knew that there was the possibility that his images of him and his friends lives could one day receive public recognition’ (charlotte cotton)

Mcginley, as Cotton states, would have been conscious whilst photographing his friends that there was the potentiality for fame and profit to be gained from them. This directly contends with Goldin’s motives for photographing, her entirely personal desire to maintain memories of existence.

Mcginley’s first body of work also contends with the thematic intentions of his predecessors’ down to its very name ‘The Kids are alright’, refuting the ideals of existing diaristic practitioners who dwelled in realms of drugs and love and chaos.

In doing this however, Mcginley risks divorcing himself from what it is to be a fine-art diarist. By photographing only the positive and memorable aspects of life and youth he aligns himself with the self-deluding amateur who photographs his family only at their happiest and on their holidays. Many of the images in The Kids are alright show friends running naked through fields or sitting in trees, aesthetically well executed perhaps, but the introduction of nudity in these images indicates a guise to which Mcginley distracts us from the lack of truth and depth- something which, obviously, Goldin gives us in abundance.

2005

2005-12-30T06:16:00.000-08:00

Kings Meadow, 2005
The Meadow of Kings Crew, Kings Meadow, 2005
Kings Meadow, 2005
Danny, Legend, Dean, David, Ben, Kings Meadow, 2005
Meadow of Kings Crew, 2005
Danny and Ben, 2005
Emile and I, 2005
Emile in The Dress, 2005
I in The Dress, 2005
Piss on Ben, 2005
Emma, 2005
Danny, Newquay, 2005
Dean, Newquay, 2005
I in Arab gear, Newquay, 2005
Adam and I, Kings Meadow, 2005
2005
Dean and I, Kings Meadow, 2005
Emma and I, Paris, 2005
Emma and I, Paris, 2005

Legend in the school field, 2005
David and I in the School field, 2005
David and I in the School field, 2005

birthday

2005-05-30T05:08:00.000-07:00