Girlfriend leaves me high and dry as the pursuit of little children and 8 week holidays draw near

Whilst I should be filled with pride and happiness that on her first attempt, first interview and first set of work placements Em managed to earn herself a place at one of the top 10 UK universities for education, where the same applicants try and recycle themselves year on year in the effort to finally gain a place, I am in fact rather taken aback at how incredibly selfish she's being.

It's not that she's leaving our place of employ, no. This is acceptable and ultimately probably for the best as I no longer have a reason to swan about optimistically like work's a fun place to be or something. Also, the university campus is a mere 10 minutes from my house so it's not like her absence will be to such an extent that I have to seek affection from an inflatable doll like Ryan Gosling in that film. 

My issue here is in fact that the poverty that comes from being a university student deprives her of going to dinner with me on a weekly basis. And I like dinner. I like dinner more, in fact, than you would probably ever deem possible. In truth, I am the fattest 10stone fuck you will ever meet. I can demolish 3 course meals in under fifteen minutes. Yesterday I ate a Sunday Roast at a restaurant in under four minutes, an accomplishment which wasn't lost on the waitress who actually came over to point out what I had just done. 

So, to conclude, I have mixed feelings about this whole ordeal because I can't very well go to dinner on my own. What sort of dick does that. It would also be in very poor taste to try and sabotage Em's academic career by, for example, calling up the university pretending to be a mother and saying she punched my child in the head, not that it hasn't crossed my mind. I guess i'll just have to deal with this as best I can and kiss my favourite asiatic cuisine goodbye for the next 9 months.

Oh yes, and these are photographs from her leaving night...

Emma and David aka Oxford, who I have taken to calling as such on account of his schooling at Oxford and self-described disposition as a Champagne Socialist.

Mollers looking fly

Emma and Ky-Ky

Emma and a team of expert copywriters and publishers, and Em

Alex, and the first photograph I've taken of him in almost two years.
Fortunately since our last meeting his marriage has straightened him right out. The guy we see here is a far cry from the dude with a busted hand relying on Kestrel Super Strength lager to coax him through the day and night - it's good to see to be sure, that for every friend I have slipping more steeply into indulgence and addiction I have one with a more positive future than anyone would have thought.

Ritchie

This was taken by Em, and would have been great if she hadn't decapitated Alex and caught what can only be described as my spastic-drunk-face on the far left there.

Rhys somewhat bemused

Martin, Dylan, Josh, Ev & Em, Lucy; at the leaving drinks

As well as Em leaving me high and dry, so too is Josh, leaving for an internship at Texas A&M University. Stopping just short of Americanophile behavior - for lack of a less vulgar word - this guy is made for the pursuit of the American dream. He keeps a website about NFL and all sorts of other things I don't understand right here

David doing his best Oxford alumni pose, with Em and Ben

Chris and Em

Evan and Chris